I live.

I feel very tender. Exposed. I am like a hermit crab that abandoned its shell. This is a new world. One at which I am looking all doe-eyed, because I do not know what to expect, what to be amazed by and what to fear. It is an unsettling feeling. So much hope and wonderment, yet there is also a current of constant uncertainty. I have lost all control. What will happen next? What the heck am I doing? Where am I going? Will I walk on fresh green grass or will it just be broken glass? More questions than ever and no answers yet. Curiosity. Some good things happening for me, lots of potential in others. Strange happiness at even stranger times. A forrest of thoughts and sometimes a blankness of mind, that hasn't been present for years. At times I am staring at a white wall, wading through the mud of history and past experiences, trying to remember if I can swim. Trying not to drown in myself. Yet somehow, in the next moment I am flying on the wings of excitement and life. I am like butterfly wings. I'm in a new state of being that requires careful observation. My mind is testing me very strongly. A battle of Me. Now. I have let down my defenses. I am naked. I live.